Constructive Criticism

I've been thinking a lot lately about constructive criticism, and what that means.  In a lab meeting recently we read and discussed a paper that my advisor wrote, but hasn't submitted to any journals yet.  She wanted our feedback before sending it off.  She was super attentive and receptive to what we* were suggesting.
(*I use the word 'we' loosely...I didn't say hardly anything.  I'm still a noob and didn't really feel qualified to say anything; this is something I am going to have to get over though.)

I contrasted that experience with making one of my students cry.  I was giving her feedback on a proposal she wrote for the class I ta for.  The topic she was proposing to write her final paper on was just...well, honestly it didn't make sense.  I didn't know what her topic really was by the end of the proposal; then after talking to her about it, I realized she didn't know either.  I probed her a little to see if we could figure it out, and she started crying.  I tried explaining to her that I wasn't trying to be mean or bring her down.  I just wanted to help her write a good paper.  She insisted that it was good and that she didn't understand what my issue was.

My professor, who is a well-respected expert in her field, was open to her students critiques of her work.  This 3rd year undergraduate couldn't take advice from someone who, while not an expert, knows more than she does, and is just trying to help.

It is never easy to hear that we need to do better or improve on something, especially when it comes from people who we may view as not as advanced as we are.  But I think that it is important to remember that the whole point of any endeavor is to learn and gain experience.  It's hard to do that if you don't get any feed back.

That feedback also has to be honest.  Sometimes we sugar coat things, with the honorable intention of sparing someones feelings or wanting them to feel supported.  Doesn't that do a disservice though?  Sooner or later whoever we are protecting is going to come up against someone who doesn't care as much about their feelings as we do.  'Tough love' is still love, and you're not going to get that from everyone.  Upsetting people we care about is SO SO hard, but sometimes necessary.

Even if you are lucky enough to be getting good, honest feed back, you have to be receptive to it.  Even if it is NOT given lovingly, or even if it is given lovingly but is still tough, no one benefits by getting defensive.  It may really stink to hear some criticisms, but why not take that negative experience and use it as a positive opportunity for growth?  And just because you listen and think about ways someone else has suggested you can improve, that doesn't mean you have to take those suggestions.  Sometimes you may listen, ponder, and decide that actually, you were right; but you listened and thought.

So, that being said, my goal is to be better at being honest with people in a loving way.  I don't want to hurt anyone, but I do want them to know where I/they stand.  I also, more importantly, want to work on being more open to criticism, because I want to be a better student, scientist, teacher, and human being.