Circles

We take turns, then, don’t we?  When you are caught on any plains where love is not, I will gather what I have and bring what I can.  And when I have used up all my love and am stranded in the cold, I will watch for you to appear with fresh supplies.  That way we can make it, I think, all of us.  We can be sufficiently creative and sufficiently kind that we will draw circle upon circle upon circle, bringing each other in, leaving no one out, joining, linking, enlarging, until the pattern of the whole human family, seen through the Eye of God, is complete. 

~Carol Lynn Pearson

I'm Tired

Look, I try really hard to be positive on this blog.  I try to tell you all the stuff I am up to, and share inspiring things I find.  98% of the time, that really is authentically me.  I am so blessed.  I'm doing what I love, supported by a great family, and surrounded by truly remarkable friends.

But, honestly, that is not me today.

Do you ever have days when you are just done?  I am today.

I am tired.
I'm tired of being judged.
I'm tired of having to be constantly on my guard because some of my most deeply held beliefs are offensive to some of the people closest to me.
I'm tired of watching others denigrate and dismiss my sincere questions and concerns.
I'm frustrated that people are so judgmental and unwilling to put themselves in someone else's shoes.
And I'm tired of feeling frustrated.
I'm tired of trying so hard to be thoughtful and conscientious in my opinions and beliefs, when so many others just shoot from the hip and don't care think before they speak.  Especially when there is no right or wrong answer.
I'm tired of people assuming that because I am 'nice,' I am weak.
I'm tired of people acting like they know stuff when really they have no freaking idea what they are talking about...pride, man, it's the worst.
I'm sick and tired of other people telling me how I should feel and think.

It bums me out that I feel guilty about letting people know how I feel, and I almost didn't post this.

I know that tomorrow or next week things will not seem so bleak and I will have some of my strength back, but for now I'm just going to let myself be tired.  Time to curl up with some hot chocolate!

Update

I was going through some recent posts and noticed a lot of them are about what I've been thinking, or have been quotes that I found that I love.  It's been a while, though, since I wrote anything about what I am actually doing.

Here is what my typical Tuesday looks like:

7:00 am - get up and get ready for the day
8:30~ish - leave for school so I can get to the office by
9:00 - in my office doing work
11:00-1:30 - Family Processes seminar with Patrick Davies; really good class
2:00-3:15 - TA social and emotional development for Laura Wray-Lake; love it
3:30-anywhere between 5 and 8 - in my office doing work/reading
I try to get home by 6:30 for dinner and TV with the roomies.  Today I'm staying a little later to help some students and Skype with some people about a research project we're working on.  It's nice to have roommates because I am motivated to get home at a reasonable hour.  Last year I would lose track of time and stay at my office way later than I ever meant to.
In bed by 10:30 or 11:00

Not very exciting is it?  But I like it.

"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be"

~Clementine Paddleford

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

In honor of the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington.  We've come a long way, but we have a long way still to go.

(Also, check this out...it's pretty interesting: Women of the civil rights movement)

Thank you, random stranger

A friend of mine recently posted a link to this blog on my Facebook (thanks Marne!) and it triggered a memory of something that I had totally forgotten.

When I was 12? 13? I was a junior lifeguard at the pool by my house.  A few of us were sitting outside the break room in our swimming suits one day, all girls, and someone started in on her body.  It grew, and soon everyone was talking about how ugly/fat/etc. they were.  I had never heard people talk like that before (not peers any way).  It was just like that scene from Mean Girls when all the girls are dissing specific body parts they wish they could change and they all look at Katy expecting her to join in.  When it was 'my turn' I didn't know what to say.  Before I had a chance to come up with something, a lady who had overheard walked over.  She told us all, rather sternly, that we were healthy, strong girls and that we should stop being ridiculous and be grateful that our bodies worked so well.

It was a really brief encounter, but it left an impression on me.  Looking back now, I can pinpoint that as the time when advertisements and the way women's bodies are discussed began to bother me.  She was absolutely right: we all were physically fit, healthy, and strong.  The fact that we were already, at age 12, so concerned with appearances speaks volumes about where we teach women and girls to get their self-value from.

So, random stranger, Thank You.  You probably didn't realize it (I didn't even realize it), but you shaped my worldview for the better.  And you have my gratitude.

My favorite word (the other one)

I wrote a little while ago about hope and how much I love that word.

My other favorite word is peace.

Do you ever just have moments of profound...I don't know what.  The best way I can think to describe it is the feeling that everything is just as it should be.  It's like when you are at the optometrist and he's asking you which lens is clearer and the right prescription clicks in to place.  All of a sudden you can see all the details you didn't know you couldn't before.  I don't have moments like this very often, and when I do they are very fleeting. 

But they always seem to come just when I need them the most.  A friend of mine calls them God hugs, some people would call it a moment of enlightenment, and some people would say it's my brain releasing a specific cocktail of neurotransmitters.  They are all probably a little bit right.  It doesn't really matter though; whatever it is, I am grateful for those moments when they come.

Basically, I just wanted to take a moment, as I'm sitting outside in the beautiful summer air, to commemorate the moment of Peace I had today, give thanks for it, and wish that all of you experience the same thing every once in a while.