Feminist Rant

Hold on to your hats folks, this is going to be a big one. I know I posted on Facebook about this already, but I couldn't do all my thoughts justice in a status update.

A few nights ago at work I was chatting with a customer while ringing her out.  It came up somehow that I was moving to New York to go to graduate school and would be staying till I got my PhD.  This woman, a total stranger, proceeded to tell me that I was making a BIG mistake.  I should definitely not go because no self respecting LDS man would marry a woman with more education than him.  I was completely shocked.  I have gotten a similar response from other people, but usually not that bluntly, and usually they are from an older generation (this woman could not have been more than 35).  I was completely taken aback and just kind of laughed it off at the time, but the more I think about it, the more cheesed I get!

First of all, she made it sound like LDS men are also uneducated...false!  Over half of the 12 apostles have post-graduate degrees.  Many were doctors or lawyers before entering full time church service.  And ALL of them are well educated, either formally or self educated, and articulate.  So who is to say that I won't marry someone who is also a Dr.?  Then we would be equal.

Which leads me to my second point.  If some guy doesn't want to marry me because he is intimidated by my brain and two or three little letters at the begining of my name, then I don't want to be with him anyway.  What kind of shallow, insecure, and controlling man would care?  I would hope that most men, and especially whoever I end up with, would be confident enough that it wouldn't matter.  (However, having been dumped for this reason, I know that this attitude exists.  And that makes me sad.)  If I was an LDS man, I would be totally offended by this woman's remarks.  What does it tell you about what this woman thinks of them?  That they are shallow, sexist, and insecure.  Come on guys!  Prove her wrong!

Third, we were in Sugarhouse...the heart of residential Salt Lake.  The majority of people who live in the neighborhood are not LDS, so she was making an awfully large assumption.  It is true I am, and I love my church...so I guess I give off that vibe or something maybe?  But still, this kind of attitude, that the whole world is Mormon, is the reason that so many non-LDS people don't like living in Utah.  NO ONE should feel marginalized or excluded by their neighbors.  What if I had not been a member of the LDS church?  How would it have made me feel that she just assumed that I was?

Then there is the whole issue of...why the heck is it any of her business?  I had never seen this person before, she talked to me for a whole 2 minutes, and then decided she knew better what I should do with my life than I did.  Forget the fact that I have prayed about this decision, and discussed it at great length with my family...I obviously needed her to intercede and tell me to go against my heart and dreams and play it safe so that I could find a big strong man to take care of me.  I am painfully aware of the fact that the LDS church encourages us as women to be wives and mothers.  They also encourage us to educate ourselves, be it formally or informally.  It just happens that my interests lie in the realm of formal education.  I educate myself spiritually, too, with scripture and prayer and study.  And I don't see why being educated and being a good mother and wife are mutually exclusive.  On the contrary, I feel that everything I have learned, and the critical thinking skills I have acquired will only serve to make me a better wife, mother, and contributor to my religious and secular communities.

I want to be perfectly clear.  I have huge respect for wives and mothers, whether they work outside the home or not.  It takes HUGE amounts of dedication, intelligence, creativity, and love to be a stay-at-home mom.  I have seen in my own mother's life how painful the pressure from society to be more than 'just' a mom can be.  My mom is one of the most driven, well read people I know and she never got a college degree; she has largely taught her self.  And this is true of so so many women in my community and family.  I also admire the many women who work and still manage, somehow, to raise their children and be involved in their children's lives.

However, just because I don't have either of those roles yet, it does not make me less of a person.  I can not put my life on hold and just wait for prince charming to come rescue me.  First of all, he is probably out there somewhere getting awesome.  I have to keep up so I am ready for him :)  Second, what if he never comes along?  I have to be prepared for that and be able to take care of myself.  Third, I don't need to be "rescued!"  I am perfectly able to create an interesting, fulfilling life on my own.  Certainly it would be beyond fantastic to have someone to share all that with, but again, just because I am flying solo it doesn't mean I am some how 'less than'.  And that is totally how that woman's comments made me feel.

It just breaks my heart that people are so rude.  And it breaks even more to know that sexism is alive and well, even among women themselves.  We ALL need to stop judging each other.  To quote President Uchtdorf, "Stop it!"